Valentine’s Day… where to begin one might say, especially for someone with bipolar or anyone who struggles to maintain relationships of any kind. This is what I have discovered so far.

I am fishing from such a small pool of people who can love me the way I need to be loved. Especially if we’re going over my 3 week mark then from now on we’re going over it as a team. So please no filtering and here are some useful pointers:

  1. If you’re seriously thinking about dating me, your first bit of homework is to watch Modern Love episode 3, then let’s talk.
  2. I take two types of medication every night. You’ll know if I haven’t taken one because I’ll still be chatting away at 2am.
  3. There is always a lingering feeling of not wanting to wake up tomorrow as it would make everything so much easier. It’s just there. I live with it; I hope you can too.
  4. I have coping mechanisms, some healthy, some not. The healthy ones will seem a tad strange to you, I just need to be reassured a little differently. I will want to plan. This illness is unpredictable and makes me unpredictable, so I will ask when I can see you again whilst we’re still on the date. Not because I’m keen (I’m probably keen) but because it’ll ground me and my anxiety.
  5. I was once described as ‘the most complex simple person’ someone’s ever met.

One of my biggest fears is not finding my lobster because of being too much like hard work for someone. If I couldn’t make it work with you, or you, or you – who forever remains the one that got away, then who can I make it work with? Who’s gonna want to brave it with me after those first 3 weeks? And if someone does how am I going to block off my flight path? (Any advice guys?)

If by some miracle we’ve made it past the magic 3 weeks then here is a guide of what you can expect…

I will not follow the rule book. (Like who uses those anyway?)

I will present you with three date options and they will be laid out as riddles.

I will drive you to hospital on our second date for your eye appointment so you’re not alone.

I will stay up and Skype you at 2am my time because it’s after work your time.

I will keep little notes of things which happen during the week to tell you when I see you because I get excited.

I will help you move to a new house after two weeks of dating.

I will most likely adore your friends.

Hi, I'm your new peculiar partner in crime. 

In this day and age we live in a society where ‘single’ is just as celebrated as much as ‘married’… but the grass is always greener. We live in a new world where the rules and opinions of sex, dating and relationships are elaborate and varied. We live within this weird no-mans-love-land where somehow through all this ambiguity we still have to ‘play it cool’. I don’t believe in ‘when you know, you know’ or ‘if it’s right, it should be easy’… nah, I’m calling bs. I dare you to say that to a person living with bipolar, dare ya. No wonder when it comes to the matters of the heart even the most stable of humans will wobble.

I’ve only ever opened up to one of you about my mental illness, it was terrifying. Not only did I nearly leave that too late for us, but I made myself unbelievably unwell because of it (as I always do). You made me feel safe and for as long as I live, I’ll never forget that. All I can say is keep things simple, don’t go into something with preconceived conceptions or a plan. Finally, STOP breaking your own heart and as always stop with the stupid filtering.

Before I go I just want to say that whilst you may not find your lobster first time around the journey, memories and smiles you make along the way is something worth treasuring. Sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith to just take that chance not just on that person but on yourself.

You can read the full article on happiful.com

April x

You may also like to see:




Your donation will help provide a range of services offering the support people need, when they need it. You can make sure there's someone at the end of the phone to listen, a nearby group to share experiences, a 24-hour peer forum and more.

Together, we can support the person behind the diagnosis of bipolar.