Before you even get to the heart of the actual book, Natasha goes straight into encapsulating what bipolar is like when she says: “it’s about the ups and downs of living with a happy soul but a chaotic mind”.

What is bipolar like?

I love the way she describes being manic: “you start buying everything with more energy than a 1,000 Duracell bunnies” this is so relatable. No one, and I mean no one, understands this need to spend. They are always like “just stop it” as if it were that simple... like if we could do this in the moment then like wouldn’t we do that!?!

In particular I found her anecdote about the Tesco pharmacy of trying to get her anxiety pills both hilarious, but also painfully accurate, of how unreasonable you can be at times  – but thinking in your head that what you are asking and wanting in your mind are being totally reasonable.

I especially love how Natasha describes trying meditation and being in the present moment hard because her mind is like “a hamster on a wheel with no filter off its tits on whizz” I find it a breath of fresh air the way she talks about using meditation to help manage her bipolar as for me all I’ve ever been told or recommend is medication and talking therapy. 

I totally got how Natasha described herself as being "off with the fairies" as this is really how it can feel and how it can appear to others. Natasha’s honesty as she opens up about being in relationships and how toxic they can be reminds me of the third episode of Modern Love with Anne Hathaway of “please come back, don’t come back, please come back, don’t come back” you so desperately want the relationship to work that you turn a blind eye to the failings and how damaging it is until you’re out of it and can reflect and see how misguided you were for staying all those years.

When Natasha talks about the possibility of losing her mum in the near future and how her mind just automatically goes to doom and gloom, it made me question my own feelings and how I often go down that same rabbit hole. Like Natasha goes on to describe it’s like when you’re already down in the dumps you kick yourself even more by thinking even more negatively to make yourself feel worse than you already do. Like why is that?  I’m wondering if Natasha and I are not alone in this way of thinking.

This book isn’t just insightful, eye-opening and honest it gets to the heart of the matter of what it's like not only having bipolar, but being a single mother too. This book is raw and unfiltered, it's pure gold.

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