'A diagnosis has saved my life, and also my relationship with my wife.'
Life before getting my bipolar diagnosis was chaotic. The amount of hypomanic and manic episodes that lead me to major life changes could have been avoided if I had received a diagnosis earlier in my 20’s. But back then not only did I have no idea what bipolar even was, I had hardly heard about it. Plus, I had been moving countries so often, I couldn’t get the help I needed sooner.
It was October 2022, I was in Japan visiting my wife’s family, and I was actually going through a hypomania episode I didn’t realise I was in. I was having a call with my long-term therapist of two years, and she told me that she needed to speak to me about something.
‘You may have bipolar’ were her exact words.
Our usual forty-minute session turned into almost two hours of her explaining to me everything about bipolar, including something I also learned as rapid cycling that I had been going through in the last year.
The signs
Looking back, some key signs were the lack of sleep - I had always stayed up, found sleeping difficult, and always had burst of energy to run, exercise and go on about my day.
Fast thoughts, and fast speech were signs as well, sometimes making my mind go blank because my thoughts are going at high speed, which would lead me to be irritable, getting into arguments with friends or loved ones.
I was also overspending when I shouldn’t be, experienced hyper-sexuality and hallucinations/delusions with paranoia. Then the shift into low periods, where I couldn’t even find the motivation to do things that I once loved.
Getting my diagnosis
My therapist told me to contact my GP, so that they can get in touch with a psychiatrist. Around December, I was hit with a very depressive episode that was pretty bad. I had seen my GP a couple of times, and they had sent a referral request, but it was taking very long.
Unfortunately, my depressive episode turned into a mixed episode soon after, and I had to contact mental health crisis team because I was having dark thoughts. Eventually, in February 2023, I received my first appointment with the psychiatrist and was then given my diagnosis.
By the time I had received my official diagnosis, I had already had many talks with my therapist and was trying to manage what I was going through. The day I was officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist, was the same reaction I had been feeling the previous months.
A mix of a ‘ah, finally, something that makes sense’, and denial. ‘Really? Could this be what I’m going through?’. The latter was because I had so much misinformation from media that depicts bipolar, and so it was difficult to grasp that my case was unique to me.
I'm still learning
After getting my diagnosis, my life changed in so many ways, for the better. I attended a weekly meeting for people living with bipolar through the NHS and met with other people, talked to them and learned a lot.
I was learning how to recognise my triggers, what I could do to help improve my life, and learned that there’s a light in the tunnel. It also helped my relationship, my wife knows now how to spot signs, and helps me. Having the diagnosis has saved my life, and also my relationship with my wife.
I’m still learning and navigating how to live with bipolar. It’s been three years, and I still am adjusting to medication, and what’s right for me. The most important thing I try to do to stay well is sleep well, exercise at least 2-3 times a week, and to take my medication for sure. The moment I start to see changes in my sleep, or any other signs, I contact my doctor immediately.
To anyone going through their own diagnosis journey - I know it can be scary and feel lonely at times, but you’re not alone. There’s a community with Bipolar UK that really helped me navigate in the beginning and made it less scary. Also, medication can sound scary, but trust me when I say it’s the road for stability. It may take some time to find the right one that fits you, but when you do it’ll be worth it.
I wish more people understood that we’re not crazy. I think that’s the first thing people think about bipolar, and I’ll admit that I had that misconception about it before I learned about it. People need to understand that people living with bipolar need routines, so yeah, I won’t do that all-nighter anymore, or I won’t drink excessively.
I’m still fun, just in a different way!
I wish for the day that it’s okay to be open about mental health in the workplace, especially when it comes to talking about bipolar. Having a supportive workplace would change so much for anyone living with it.
