‘It can be exhausting if a loved one is going through an episode’

My grandfather, dad, sister, aunt, cousin and son all live (or lived) with bipolar type I. 

Since the age of eight, I have tiptoed through the detritus of depression, prayed endlessly during the ‘suicide watch’ weeks, held my breath during the mayhem of mania and made countless cups of tea during the recovery months.

As a loved one, I am wary of writing about my experiences. A psychologist once told me I have ‘survivor’s guilt’. In spite of my genes, somehow my ‘bipolar bingo’ number hasn’t come up. Who am I to write about my lived experience of a condition I don’t even have? 

But then I remember that I have walked the bipolar path alongside some of my favourite people in the world, and that the journey has had a huge impact on my life.  

Living with and loving someone with bipolar can be beyond challenging at times – the fear, the helplessness, the frustration when we can’t get the support we need, the financial chaos, the medical admin…  

I don’t like the word ‘carer’ though. It doesn’t get across the episodic nature of the illness. Yes, during a period of instability, I step into a carer role where I pick up prescriptions, go to appointments, make food, and give as many hugs as I can. 

But then, during periods of stability my relationships return to their rightful places – as a bossy big sister or mum of a young adult, for example. 

It is estimated there are around five million people in the UK who have a loved one with bipolar. And I’ve learnt over the years that it’s okay for us to say how exhausting and lonely it can be if a loved one is going through an episode.  

How can I explain to friends who aren’t close to someone with a serious mental illness what it feels like when someone I love has been picked up by the police for trying to stop traffic?  

It's also okay – in fact it’s essential when we feel ready – for us to have the courage to ask for and accept support when we need it. Especially from people who’ve been through similar experiences and who will really understand what we’re going through.  

Which is where Bipolar UK’s Online Community and Family and Friends Support Group are invaluable – safe, kind, non-judgemental spaces where we can share ideas and where we don’t need to put on a brave face. See you there sometime. 

You can read more about Sarah’s experience in her book ‘Bipolar Disorder: The Ultimate Guide’, available at bookshop.org and other retailers.