This blog is a personal narrative of my journey with bipolar, highlighting the challenges faced, including struggles with depression, mania, and substance abuse. It outlines the journey towards diagnosis, medication management, and finding stability, with the crucial support of loved ones and an inclusive workplace environment. 

A difficult day

Today proved to be a challenging day in my journey with bipolar. Despite ordering my medication well in advance, a shortage left me grappling with the anxiety of running out. Adding to the strain, I've been gradually weaning off quetiapine due to its drowsiness-inducing side effects, resulting in restless nights with no sleep. 

Resilience put to the test 

For the past three months, I've enjoyed a semblance of balance and sobriety, but today tested my resilience like never before. Summoning every ounce of strength, I forced myself out of bed, navigated a long drive for a meeting, and buried my emotions beneath a façade of composure. 

Seeking solace 

The journey back was equally arduous, plagued by relentless suicidal thoughts. Seeking solace, I sought refuge in the familiar confines of the gym, usually my sanctuary for resetting a beleaguered mind. Yet, even there, the usual reprieve eluded me. 

Hiding inner turmoil 

Upon returning home, I paused during the drive, gathering the remnants of my composure to shield my children from the turmoil raging within. But as they drifted off to sleep, the floodgates opened, and I surrendered to tears of exhaustion and despair. 

Weathering the storm

These moments, nestled between periods of balance and mania, are the crucibles of my journey - moments fraught with feelings of hopelessness. Yet, amidst the darkness, I find solace in the knowledge that I've weathered such storms countless times before. 

Facing tomorrow 

Today will pass, and tomorrow may bring its own challenges - perhaps even greater ones. But I hold onto the unwavering belief that I've navigated through the darkest of nights, and I will continue to do so with resilience and fortitude. 

Last updated: 23 May 2024